Being a mother is the toughest job ever. If you choose to be a mom you are signing up for fun, joy, stress, anxiety and so much more. There are moments in the life of every mother when she actually feels like a failure. The failure of doing everything wrong when she is trying to do her best, the failure of not having enough patience, the failure of being the reason of so many meltdowns, tantrums in a shopping center, restaurants, a friend’s house, and the failure of not being able to nourish the way she is supposed to nourish her baby.
The list goes on!
There are endless moments in a mom’s life when she thinks she is failing as a mom while actually, she is rising as a mother.
A moment when she thinks she cannot handle any more.
A moment when she thinks everything is way beyond her control and she feels like she is going to collapse.
Motherhood is a thorough learning experience, we all make mistakes because this does not come with a manual. This is the most significant phase in every mom’s life, whether it’s a joyful moment or a torturing moment. Motherhood is not easy. Every milestone has its own challenges and yes, at times it is way beyond control.
In the early days of motherhood when you cannot shower for days, you cannot go use the bathroom because your little ones are too small to be left on their own, you cannot go out alone, you cannot go eat if you are hungry. motherhood has a price tag and the rewards are endless and beautiful. Despite all that stress no mom ever wanted to trade anything for their little bundles of joy.
I am pretty sure about every mom’s has plenty of crying moments in their early days of motherhood, as that’s the toughest time period of all. You are juggling with so much and still, nothing gets done and nothing gets right.
I have asked a few more moms about their crying moments on their journey when they felt like a failure. They have shared their precious moments and extend advice to new moms for staying strong and positive.
Read on to see what other mom bloggers say about their crying #momfail moment.
Junell from Miss Adventures in Adulting
Junell blog name is missadventuresinadulting.com. She is a mom to two boys.
She says, “My oldest son, Landry, is 10 and has ADHD. He’s not physically hyper but his brain goes a million miles an hour and it is very hard for him to quiet the extra noise to focus on his task at hand. Another part of his ADHD is that he can be extremely emotional.
We realized something was off in Kindergarten. He was getting in trouble a lot for how he reacted to other children, which was never an issue for him Pre-School. When we arrived at Open House in the Spring, we found out how far he was behind, academically. We immediately requested a meeting his teacher & school Principal. He teacher began to describe how he would never pay attention, and that he just didn’t seem interested in learning. She felt strongly that he should be held back because she did not feel he was mature enough to go on to 1st grade. The more she talked, the worse I felt. She was describing a totally different child and calling him my son. The boy I knew was curious about everything and loved to learn. He cared deeply about learning new things and about his classmates.
How could I not know this other side of him? How could I have failed so miserably to not see this in him? I went home in tears.
Later, his principal called me. She could tell how upset I was and felt very strongly that the teacher may be wrong in this situation. She felt something else was going on with Landry but couldn’t pinpoint it. I began digging, and the more I read about ADHD the more it sounded just like my son. I always thought ADHD was for the kid that couldn’t sit still and had no idea that it could simply be an overactive mind.
Getting his official diagnosis was very bittersweet. It was so nice to finally have answers to why he was struggling, but I still felt like a failure. How could I have missed this for so long? What did we do to cause it? Was it too much screen time? Something I ate during pregnancy? Was it because I worked full time and he spent too much time with a babysitter? Deep down, I knew all those questions were ridiculous, but they were nagging me just the same. There were so many tears during that time.
Five years later, I no longer doubt myself about his diagnosis but I still constantly question myself. When he struggles with math, I beat myself up for not having the money for the expensive tutors. If I come down on him for not paying attention, I’m a bad mom for not being as understanding as I should be. At the end of the day, he’s fine. He will always have to work a little harder than other kids, but he has found his groove. If I had simply listened to his teacher, and held him back he wouldn’t be fine today. He’d be one year behind but still struggling with attention issues. So for all the self-doubt, I still know that we are giving him his best chance by fighting for him.”
Kierra from Kierradgray
My name is Kierra Gray and I’m a working mom based in Metro-Detroit. My blog is called Life and Times (kierradgray.com). I have one daughter named Zion. My passion for inspiring other women along their journey in life sparked the need to start this platform. I want other women to unapologetically live life on their own terms. Inspire the next generation of women to live without shame and wholeheartedly chase after their dreams. I’m raising my daughter Zion to know her strength as a young girl of color. I’m learning every day that this life is beautiful and worth fighting for. My Instagram is @kierradgray
Kierra says “As a mother dealing with depression and anxiety, I often feel like I am failing my daughter. My depression makes me feel exhausted, unworthy, and frustrated. It’s a struggle to pull myself out of bed sometimes, but I have to do what I need to do to make sure my daughter is well taken care of.
I found out I was pregnant with my daughter Zion during my second quarter of graduate school in 2016. It was an emotionally taxing pregnancy, but I started therapy well before my pregnancy. I tried medication after medication, but it made me feel worse, so I tried to use alternative methods of coping. I started taking my fitness more seriously and changed my diet. I also go to therapy once a week, sometimes twice. I’m still trying to figure out the best ways to cope and dig deeper to work on my healing.
Seeing how intelligent, joyful, and beautiful she fills me with hope and purpose in life. When I can’t muster up the motivation in myself, I remember that my daughter needs a healthy and whole mother.
If you’re a mother struggling with depression and anxiety, remember it’s okay to not be okay, but you can find hope. There are many resources and avenues to cope, such as, therapy, working out, journaling, and incorporating all of these things with your child.
People say time heals all wounds. I think time and putting in the work to change your mindset and situation heals. I’m learning to celebrate all the phases and lessons in my life, motherhood, and the person my daughter is becoming. Celebrate yourself!”
Christina at Travel Maven Mama
Christina is a mom blogger at Travel Maven Mama. She is a mom to four kids.
She describes her mom fail experiences like this: “The other day my three-year-old son was blissfully playing with his battery-operated racecar, traveling all over the couch, floor and walls. In an effort to be playful, he started driving it up against my arms and shoulders. He then put it on my head, where the moving wheels instantly caught my long hair and wound it into the axel. I screamed. He ran away, and I felt like a failure as a mother.
My preteen daughter has an ongoing job to sweep or vacuum the kitchen floor each night. She has a rigorous swim team schedule, and sometimes gets home late and doesn’t complete the assigned chore. When I find myself doing the chore for her because I value the clean kitchen more than teaching her to contribute to our family and take her responsibility seriously, I feel like a failure as a mother.
I have a kindergartener who has reading homework every night. I remind me to do it, and sometimes he does. Most of the time he does not, and I am busy with dinner, after-school activities carpool, and tending to the little one’s needs to push it. When I forget about the reading, I feel like a failure as a mother.
There are so many ways that we can come up short in our role as a mother. What I try to remember in these moments of feeling regret and ineptitude is that just like my children are learning responsibility, practical skills like reading, and even the natural results of putting a moving racecar on someone’s hair – I’m learning too. In their learning they won’t get it right the first time – I won’t either. The important part is to see our weaknesses, recognize where we need to improve and keep trying. Moment after moment, day after day, we’ll know that we’ve never truly failed as a mother unless we’ve stopped doing our best to learn alongside them.”
4. Nazia Afreen at Blooming pen
Nazia Afreen is a SAHM blogger and a former freelance content writer. Originally from Kolkata, India, she juggles life between her kid and blogging. Aiming to inspire and help other new moms, she started her blog Blooming Pen, where she primarily discusses everything about motherhood and her lifestyle. Also a bibliophile, she loves cooking, traveling and binge-watching GoT.
She describes her mom fail moment as “Since always we have been trained or rather say programmed to be the PERFECT being! Likewise, I too had always dreamt to be the perfect MOM. Even before I was married, I planned to be that PERFECT mom. The mom who would instill strict discipline, who would be caring yet stern. And the mom who would NEVER formula-feed!
But I never knew that perfection doesn’t exist! On the other hand, mom-guilt does!
I am a C-section mother. Which in itself almost makes you feel guilty about yourself. I still remember when my daughter was around three months old. And she was crying incessantly. I, of course, knew the reason. But didn’t want to admit it!
My girl’s hunger was increasing and my breastmilk was not enough for her. My mother-in-law insisted on formula feeding her. But I was adamant! Because I just wanted to be the PERFECT breastfeeding mother.I was worried about the side-effects that entailed formula milk. I was worried if that along with filling her would affect her sensitive digestive system. I was worried if that interrupted my natural milk supply, whatever the amount it is.
But more than anything else, I was worried about being JUDGED!
My baby, my precious angel used to cry almost daily. As long as my breastmilk supply was good and met her demands, it was fine. But, once her hunger started improving, things became worse. And I became helpless! Finally, I made the decision. To start formula-feeding my baby, on a regular basis! I boiled the water. Mixed the formula milk in a bottle and started feeding my daughter. She was now calm. But while every drop filled her tummy, I, the new mom started feeling emptier. It felt like I was actually failing as a mom.
Just because my body is not the same as the other full-fledged breastfeeding moms! Just because, I wanted to be the PERFECT mother!
If you’re a new mom and are struggling with your breastmilk supply, please remember one thing. Not everybody is the same. Which means it’s ok if you have to formula feed your baby. Don’t care what others say. Because either way you will be judged!
Jacqueline from Mom Money Map
Jacqueline says “I have a 10-month-old so I have limited experience as a mom. The most difficult period for me was right after I delivered.
I didn’t have postpartum depression, but it was an emotional period. There’s the joy of finally meeting your newborn. There’s also the challenges with learning how to be a mom.
This was made more difficult with the physical limitations from being postpartum. The weakness felt in the first few days is something I’ve never experienced. I could barely take a few steps without being out of breath. I had heard about these difficulties of being postpartum, but nothing prepared me for the realities.
My advice for new moms is to ensure that you take care of yourself, especially in these early days. Have freezer meals ready. Have a water bottle on hand and snacks nearby. Delegate household chores. Have your partner take on many tasks involving the baby from changing to feeding. Just try to do what you can to focus some efforts on recovery.
You can’t take care of anyone if you don’t take care of yourself first. If you prolong your recovery, it’s just going to be that much longer before you get well.”
Shayla from Spilt Milk Mindful Mommy
Shayla is a mom of a sweet little boy. Her blog name Spilt milk mindful mommy
Shayla shares her experience as “The day I felt like a failure – or rather the first month. I’m a 22 years old married mom, with a sweet little boy who is almost four months old. I found out I was pregnant with him when I was 21, just one day after getting married. If was definitely an interesting start to the marriage!
Being a mom comes with so many hardships, so much judgment but the worst of it all comes from yourself. The first month with EJ I felt like I was completely failing at everything. LIke I wasn’t able to be the type of mom my son deserved, like everything I was doing would become a disaster or somehow cause him catastrophic failure later in life.
The moment that sticks out most in my mind, is when my son was just a few days old and breastfeeding was not going successfully. Before having my son, I was a pretty confident person in the types of decisions I made. I wasn’t really one to question myself or let others sway me from my decisions. However, being a new mom comes with so many questions, so much doubt and is just a huge adjustment.
Where I live, we have public health nurses that make trips out to your home, are the ones in charge of giving vaccines and in general are supposed to help you with your new baby questions. Unfortunately, the health nurse that I saw was neither helpful nor supportive. It was less than a week after EJ was born, breastfeeding was not going well and I seriously wanted to switch to pumping. First, I wanted to talk to the health nurse, get some tips and more information on clogged ducts.
However, when I went in to speak with her, she was very judgemental and harsh. Being a new mom, sleep deprived and hormonal, I was not feeling confident and wanted reassurances for my decisions. Instead, she spent the better part of an hour being rude and ripping into me for wanting to pump, without answering a single question.
When we left, I had a breakdown in the car driving home. I felt like such a failure, that I had already messed up being a mom and it wasn’t even a week in. It brought me down for so long, I spent a lot of time talking to anyone I knew that had a baby to see what their opinions are, or what they did.
Thank goodness for my supportive husband, who helped keep me sane while I was wallowing in mom guilt. When I finally got past my breastmilk hang up, I switched to formula at two months, so one big reason. I was having so much trouble with my hormones, I was feeling overwhelmed and the feeling of being a failure kept resurfacing. I finally talked to my doctor about it, and she got me on some mild antidepressants. It was like a flip switched. I started feeling so much better like I could actually handle being a mom, and all the work that came with it.”
If you want to see more of my posts, or more about my life and experience as a mom, plus some wonderful recipes, check out my blog at www.spiltmilkmindfulmommy.com
Hey there! My name is Abby, and I am a stay at home mom as well as a pregnancy, parenting, and mom life blogger. While I am originally from the New England area, I moved to Texas right after marrying my husband two years ago and have lived here since. We now have a one-year-old boy named Elijah. He keeps us on our toes!
She says “I think the biggest moment when I felt like I was failing as a mom was a period when Elijah was between six and nine months. Just before his six month well check, he got a bad cold which turned into bronchitis. Unfortunately, with all his sneezing and coughing, he passed it on to me so we were both sick at the same time. Long story short, my milk supply tanked during this week of sickness. While it did come back somewhat after we were healthy again, it never returned to what it had been—despite my repeated efforts to regain it. During this three month struggle,
I felt like a failure as a mom and knowing that he wasn’t getting enough caused a ton of stress and guilt.
If I had to give advice to someone in a similar position, it would be this: breastfeeding is not worth your mental health, or your baby’s health. I am all for breastfeeding. But don’t get so set on it that your child suffers if you are unable to keep up with his needs. If you can’t provide him with enough, it is completely okay to supplement with formula. If it causes you too much stress, it is okay to do formula instead. Be willing to work at it, but know when it’s too much and be willing to let it go if need be. It doesn’t make you less if you can’t or don’t want to breastfeed. You are still an awesome mom, and you are doing great!”
Michelle from The Perfectly Imperfect Mummy
Hi, my name is Michelle aka The Perfectly Imperfect Mummy. I am a SAHM to 2 sets of twins, 8 years old boy/girl twins & 3 years old twin girls. In my spare time, I enjoy going to the toilet & showering alone, crafting (especially scrabble Art), a Moscato or 6 & last but certainly not least, sleeping.
Michelle describes her parenting failure as
“One of my biggest parenting failures would have to be my older twins orientation day for Primary School. It was scheduled for Wednesday the 1st December.
I had given birth to my younger set of twins earlier in the year & was in the midst of chronic sleep deprivation and postnatal depression & anxiety. I was being treated by a Psychiatrist & he had recently increased my medication which was really slowing me down & causing confusion. He assured me this was only a temporary side effect & the symptoms would disappear once my body had adjusted to the higher dose.
I was really nervous about my kids going to the orientation & was worried in case they didn’t like school. I was very conscious of appearing to be upbeat & excited for them, I didn’t want them to pick up on my nervousness.
I had organized for my mum to come & stay the night before so she could mind the baby twins & my husband took the day off work so he could come along too.
As we were driving to school, my attention was drawn to the stereo in the car, I was confused by the day & date but didn’t know why & I thought my husband must have had it set wrong.
As we arrived at school, I expected to see lots of other families with their little people all ready for orientation, but there was no one to be seen (other than the students). We went up to the office & asked about orientation & they informed me that we had missed it. How could that be I asked?, it’s Wednesday 1st December & my husband then butted in & said ‘yes but today is Thursday the 2nd December’. I had my days mixed up, how embarrassing!!.
Due to my brain fog, it took me a little while to process this information & once I did I felt so stupid!!. I was so worried that the school was going to think I was an unfit mother who didn’t look after or care about her children. Luckily having 2 sets of twins gives you a hall pass in a lot of situations & the school just laughed it off & said that it was understandable & not to worry. The kids could do orientation next week.
Everything worked out fine, the kids were not any worse off for missing the first orientation & I managed to get them to the second one on time, with the help of my mum & my husband but I felt like such a fool. That would have to be my biggest parenting fail to date but believe me, there are many!”
My own crying moments are endless
I have had too many crying moments when my second baby was born. Managing multiple kids at the same time is not easy.
My time with my firstborn was relatively easy until I got pregnant with my second one.
When she was almost 5 weeks old, my first one (son) was 19 months and he was very new to walking at that time. One day I bathed my daughter and wanted to take them both out for a walk. My son got so excited for the outside fun he had been missing out since she was born – he was all joyful and tried to run. Immediately he stumbled while running and he bumped his head on a glass round table in the lounge. He cried so intensely, I immediately saw his face, his forehead was wide open on the left side.
The sad part, I was right there and still couldn’t do much about it. It was not even in the fraction of my thoughts that how could a round table hurt this bad. My husband wasn’t there. I called 911.
He got stitches on his forehead. Those nights with my kids a newborn and a toddler were really rough.
All of us were crying. they were crying because of their very own issues, pain, hunger whatsoever and I was crying as it was not in my control for that very moment. I was right there and neither could I protect him nor I could soothe his pain.
At that moment, I felt like an utter failure. However, sometimes I wonder that motherhood makes you all strong. My heart pounds if I see blood somewhere and seeing my child in pain could let me fall apart because I had to stand strong for him.
Ironically there are some things or issues that trigger new moms’ stress levels when you are expecting the opposite from them. Unfortunately, the biggest stress for new moms is about being judged on breastfeeding. No matter what you do, you are doing your best to feed your children. Motherhood is all about learning and that being said mistakes are very likely on this course to mom-hood.
Just hang in there – this time too shall pass. They are not going to stay little for a long time.