Motherhood is all learning throughout your life once you become a mom. Every mom’s journey has its own set of strategies and plans that she follows as per her kid(s)’ requirements. No two kids are the same, not even siblings. Every individual is unique in its very own capacity. A mom has to be on top of everything, like what her child needs, wants, tantrums, meltdowns. She even understands when they don’t speak.
A mom nurtures her kids, protects them and back them throughout her life. But this does not mean that every mom becomes an expert the moment she gives birth. Well, she herself is learning every single day. Some moms learn by their own experience and some pay attention to other moms experiences. In all this effort of being the best mom, there are chances of making mistakes. The moms’ mistakes on their motherhood journey you should know about.
There are some amazing moms who are definitely doing great with their parenting and know best what is in their child’s interest. They are extending advice for new moms about not doing something which they regret doing on their motherhood journey.
Moms’ Mistakes on Motherhood Journey
Disclaimer: these are real-life moms suggestions who share their experience and extend advice on a moms’ group.
1. Not Having Rest after Delivery
This is a very common practice of a lot of new moms. When you don’t have a family or friends around who can support you through that time than you are left with no option of taking enough rest after your delivery. Vaginal delivery is as hard C-section delivery. But C-section delivery needs more care to heal better on the incision inside and outside. When it is not a first time C section, moms have to take care of their older children. It is not easy for them to rest the way they should. It is through physical and mental exhaustion.
Tayyaba Chaudhry says about her biggest mistake was ” Not taking enough time to rest after my first C-section”.
Get help as much you can. Do not be harsh on yourself. Read here what you should do after a C-section to heal faster and better.
2. Doing Above and Beyond
Some women want to be perfect with every single thing they eventually tend to do so much beyond capacity. This is a good practice but once you are a mom and you have to take care of a tiny human, raise and nurture. It is not a good idea to overdo everything when your hands are full and eventually your health is going to suffer as a serious consequence.
Kathy Herba- Mcpherson says her biggest mistake was ” Doing waaaaaaaay too much. Doing it all work, house, lunches, snacks, laundry, dinners, shopping. Set a very bad pattern because I do too much.”
Take help whenever you are offered. If you don’t feel like doing chores, dishes, laundry, cleaning, cooking, just don’t. These things can wait but you need to give your body rest during postpartum. Staying active, exercise, yoga, walk, going out, whatever gives you happiness and relaxed mind, just do that for a while. Once you feel emotionally and physically healthy then you can continue with your perfectionist chores. If you have fatigue, mental stress, anxiety, signs of depression you should talk to your doctor and analyze your diet. You are what you are eating at this time. You can read about how to improve your emotional health thorough nutritional diet during postpartum.
3. Worried About Judgemental Moms
A lot of new moms worry about other not-FTMs judgments. They bash their motherhood skills and this somehow increase the guilt of a new mom who is struggling hard to cope up with this new change. It’s all about learning the hard way. The best you can do is do not pay attention on how others make you feel less of a mom anyway.
Diana Michelle says ” When I was a new mom I cared a lot about other moms judgment. I was inexperienced and winging it like we all do. Looking back at it I wished I cared less of what nasty things they said to me, dumped them from my life much earlier and did my own thing as I know what I was doing was the best for my kids.
Do what you think is in your child’s best interest.
4. Comparing your Own Kids with Others’
This is a very common mistake we all make more or less. If someone’s child is eating well, talking way better than his/her age – we do compare it with our child. It is one way or the other adding more to endless mom-guilts. You should NEVER compare your child with someone else’s. You never know what struggles the other mom is going through and how she manages. So be gentle on your child and on yourself too, Mama!
Mallory Horton says her biggest mistake is ” Comparing my kids to someone else’s – size, when they get teeth, when they crawl, etc. I realized who cares? All kids are different and the fact that your kid is 90th percentile and crawled early doesn’t mean jack. Parenthood is all about survival and doing what is best for your family. Everyone’s idea of best is different. As long as everyone is happy and healthy we are winning”.
Never Compare your child with anyone else’s child. Every child is different than the other. As long as they are healthy, happy, and growing, everything is good.
5. Ignoring Mom Instincts
A mom knows her child the best. It is a good practice to listen to other moms but it is certainly not advisable that you do what other TELL you to do. There is a fine line between telling someone or suggesting someone do something.
Every kid is different from other. Being a mom you know how your child should respond to your parenting style. For example, some moms potty train their kids when they turn 2. Ironically, they tell other moms to do the same thing. Which is technically not possible in every case. Some kids might be ready and respond well but few might have trouble responding to potty training that early.
Shelby Nazzaro says “I let the voices of others (telling me what would be hard or easy, What was essential or what I should not do) drown out my own instincts”.
Your child you decide. Stay open to suggestions, listen closely but do as you feel is right for your child in your circumstances.
6. Rigid about Breastfeeding
I believe every mom wants best for their child. Breastfeeding is certainly a healthy option but for some moms, breastfeeding does not work what so ever. Their bodies do not respond well to breastfeeding and they don’t get milk supply and eventually, baby starves and leads to dehydration.
A mom shares her experience about being too stubborn about breastfeeding.
Susan Hammontree Lynch says ” Being too stubborn with wanting to exclusively BF my first. She was born early and my body never did produce enough milk. But I refused formula. I saw it as unnatural and unnecessary. That landed us back in the hospital and nearly cost us her life. We need to ease up on the EBF mentality and use the tools at our disposal to make sure our kids thrive even if it means hurting our pride”
Please do not get stubborn with breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is tough in itself and do not make it tough on yourself too much no matter how beneficial it is. It should not cost you a life either. If it is not meant to be -don’t stress. Feeding formula doesn’t make you any less of a mom.
7. Not seeking out for a Lactation Consultant
Baby latching on your breasts properly for breastfeeding is really important. When I had my first one, I had to take the lactation class at the hospital. My doctors and nurses did not let me go home unless I attended that lactation class which was SUPER helpful.
A mom Anne Raley says her biggest mistake was she didn’t seek lactation consultant in the first few days when they were really struggling. She added another mistake was not learning about how to wear the baby.
If you have trouble breastfeeding, seek the help of lactation consultant. You can call them and they are happy to assist you. Else you can talk to your pediatrician who would ready to help you referring a lactation consultant.
8. Being shy about severe Anxiety and Depression
Postpartum Anxiety and Depression are REAL.
Fatima Qayyum Akram says about her biggest mistake “Not talking to my doctors about the severe anxiety I was experiencing. I thought It was “normal” but once I got the help I regretted not doing it sooner. They were SO understanding and helpful”.
Julie Wang Hawkins added ” Thinking that PPD was some thing that only affected people who had a history of depression. When I had my son, I had some anxiety but I also had a lot of support. When my daughter came along, we had just moved, we lost a lot of support, and a baby and a toddler made life super complicated. I spiraled hard but was determined to “fix” myself. Eventually, I had to get help like professional therapy. I’m getting better but I’m still considering medication as a possibility. I’m seeking out support from others as well. In fact, I am not as ashamed of admitting that I need help. That’s a big hurdle!”
You should talk to your healthcare provider if you see signs of depression. Depression is a serious case. It has to be discussed with your provider so they can see what scale you are at and they can prescribe medicine for you. It is for you and your baby’s health.
9. Accidentally Locking an infant in the car
This is a serious matter. Mommy’s brain is a real thing. When you become a mom you have so many worries and thoughts running back of your mind that you tend to forget what is going on in present.
A mom says her biggest mistake was that she accidentally locked her 2 months old in a car. This was a very terrifying experience.
Mallory Nix says ” When I accidentally locked my 2 mo in the car. It was the most horrifying experience of my life. Luckily, I reacted by calling 911 and the fireman came to pry open the door. Thank God he was okay! Now I keep my keys on a keychain around my neck.”
If you ever are in this situation always call 911 (Emergency service in your area). They can open your car in no time.
If you have a toddler or preschooler, always makes sure when you have them sit in a car immediately buckle them up. If it is summer season always turn on the AC. Sometimes if they are not buckled and you have to put stuff in your car’s trunk they hop on to the driver’s seat out of sheer curiosity and lock themselves in the car. They don’t understand how to open it. In such situations, you have to call 911.
It is a good practice that whenever you have them sit in a car, buckle your child first.
10. Forgetful about first few years after kids birth
When you have more than one kid, you have a huge set of responsibilities, It is hard to remember everything for everyone.
A mom says she regrets not being in the moment with her kids like remembering first few years of her kids’ life with them.
Vanetta Hanshaw says ” not being in the moment. My kids’ dad and I were really going through it and i focussed way too much on it that I now can’t remember the small things of my children’s birth and first few years of life. It still haunts me but I am better”.
#mommybrain comes with motherhood. It is absolutely okay if you don’t remember little details about them. Moms already have too much on their plates to handle.
There is a really cute wall decor family birthday reminder calendar on Amazon. This is a great way to remember some important dates like birthdays, anniversaries of your loved ones in the family.
That being said motherhood does not come with a guide. If something works for one mom might not work for another mom. There are tons of mommies’ experiences and none of them are same. Best idea is to know other #momsmistakes and learn. Do what you think is best for your child and learn at your own learning curve. No matter how adamant we get about raising kids, there are things which never work for us.
Last but not least, I would really appreciate the honest response of moms about the mistakes they believe they made out of sheer ignorance.